A love letter
to Stella
June 29th
On that fateful day while paddling with my oar, I caught a glimpse of a shooting star...
Little did I know that it would turn into the most important and brightest star in my journey.
July 31st
I approached the star, getting as close as possible. Its tail burned in such mesmerizing colors, as if it was painting the sky. During my travels I had been burnt when coming near shooting stars this way, but this time it was different. It was warm.
And so I left it with some of the knowledge I accumulated, hoping that it aids them in their own journey. Occasionally I would see them flying through the night sky. Their tail was unmistakable.
August 20th
The waters had been turbulent throughout that month, the burnt flesh that I had bandaged did not seem to heal, in fact, it was only getting worse. I reached my hand to the sky, looking for answers.
It was then that our paths crossed once again, I saw its tail at starboard and asked when I could see them again.
"Tomorrow" — they said.
August 21st
From morning to dusk I kept myself busy, being mindful of my path as to not steer far from what was planned. As the night settled in, I started getting anxious of whether they remembered it or not.
"They're probably just busy" — I had told myself.
I then decided to get busy as well. Thus grabbed my oar and started paddling off course, thinking that perhaps it was for the better. Not too long after, I heard its call...
August 22nd
"Hey! Sorry, I super overslept."
I dropped my oar in surprise. They asked if I still wanted to join them, so I picked up my oars and started rowing.
There I was, between two shooting stars, aiding them in their journeys. That warmth it emanated was encroaching ever so slightly; it felt alien, yet familiar.
September 5th
A lot had happened, through my travels I reached them out and they reached me. It wasn't a rare nor common occurence but each of them drew us closer. I got to know about their problems with "Plastids", they heard me yell at the clouds, I got hints to where they came from and they from me, then whenever they needed, I gave them aid. Those moments, that warmth... I now had something to look forward to.
Later I decided to go through a catalog, to fetch something as a token of my appreciation. Looking through it I found a gizmo called "Shawzin" and sent them their way. To my surprise, they soon received it and put it up for display.
September 10th
I had been out of sight for a couple of days by then, some of my wounds had gotten worse and the sea turbulent. I was incapable of rowing. When I had finally gone back to rowing, it did not take long for them to reach out for me. They expressed their sentiments that if I needed, I could reach out.
Soon after, things were back to normal. I invited them to partake in an advent, there was one happening at a place we play together in. Unfortunately I had to cut it short, since I ended up getting a fever.
The following weeks we started getting closer, talking about some of our pasts, their pets, likings, as well as planning to attend the advent more and to enter other kinds of places to play in!
During one of our sessions, I ended up getting protective as I saw them engage with someone with an awful looking tail. That's when I realized that maybe I cared for them in a different way too. Perchance that's why I started bickering with them after that day, albeit not often back then.
It was scary, as we danced more, the universe intertwined us.
I learned their favorite color was pink and yellow, their favorite game is "The Sims", that they love seafood and pasta, their favorite book "The Hunger Games", that they love the spring season...
Fall had arrived since we met, by then we were best friends.
Our interactions were filling me with the kind of joy that made my wounds stop getting worse. Soon I stopped reaching out to the sky, the once shooting star was now the brightest star in the sky. It took me that long to notice.
September 20th
They said they miss me? That puts a big smile on my face...
They also want to hear me talk on and on. Could they be ready?
That warmth I felt on my skin, now has encroached into my innards. I do not know what to make of this, but I think I want more.
We started playing with each other's hearts, and we seem to both enjoy it. I'm glad.
September 21st
I fucked up... They said that I wasn't being a good friend to them. My past is ever so present with my interactions. I'm happy that they're so understanding but specially that they told me how that affected them. No one... No one else is so blunt.
Thereinafter we spoke almost daily, I looked forward to every interaction we had. I'd row during the day thinking about when I could see them next. My daydreaming eventually permeated to the depths of my brain, thus having my first dream with them.
We grew closer and closer... They are so sweet. They listen to my increasingly long speeches, while responding to me every so brightly. They even said they found their "Prince Charming" in me. I want them to be my princess.
So we have agreed, that there are no boundaries on questions or prying that we may have. If we want to know, we ask it.
It was odd... The sea had been so calm. Dancing along their light, chasing it... It led me to the right direction. Despite being so far, they felt increasingly closer. I had also heard their voice for the first time. What a beautiful and comfortable voice, I can't get enough of it. Speaking out with their voice was something then uncomfortable, but with the passage of time and as we drew closer, that was mostly gone. I was able to listen to them for ten hours straight at one point!
They make me feel seen.
All of those conversations feel like they were forever ago now. Yet, they're so recent, so familiar... So precious. I have fallen in love through them. The same way I miss them, they miss me.
We had our mishaps of course, dates that fell through or discussions that were abandoned. Nonetheless, that newfound bond that was growing between us kept us connect in a way that, no distance felt too far, no mountain felt unsurmountable.
September 28th
I ended up staying in the place we use to hear one another for three straight days. It was a buffet of emotions, from theraphy sessions, playing, flirting, to just talking about everyday life.
On the second day of that, that fateful conversation happened. I told them that I would give them pink tulips if I could. A flower that's gentle like them, with a hue that inspires caring and affection. Traits that they have in heaps.
They called me a cutie and that they want to share their place of rest with me on the third day. I am dreaming of how their smile looks like, it feels me with unbrittled joy.
And so it happened... At dawn we decided to take another step forward. They're happy to be part of my world and me of theirs. They're interested in me in a way no one had been for so long. I had forgotten how that felt.
Finally, it all made sense. The beautiful tail I once saw when they were only a shooting star, was used to paint my night sky. The yellows of a beautiful dusk, with the pink hue of an auorora borealis, the dark purple to paint a lake and dark green for the mountains beside it... What was once lost had a newfound purpose. It hadn't been long since we had met, yet they had became the guiding light of my life.
I was grateful.
It was strange, like waking up after being asleep for too long. Everyone started noticing how lighthearted I had become. I started talking about someone I had previously not, and got myself busy at nights for them. Your picture was pinned on my mobile device, I kept reading the letters we sent one another, and stared at the pictures that came with them.
We would share tales of a bygone era and of a better future, and ultimately proclaim our bound. I was not so sure if we were on the same page, however, it did not matter. All I wanted was to be as close as I could, so close you would get tired of me. I was already obsessed.
My life had become our life. Day after day our love grew bigger and bigger, that longing for one another... The fights, the hangouts, the coziness of casual conversations... I could not my see my life without them anymore.
Soon it would be Halloween and we had been gathering ideas for what to do. What I most wanted, was for us to do something together, no matter what it was. Second to that, I had wished for us to match in our outfits.
October 7th
She sent me pictures of themselves this time! Those eyes... They have the shape of an Egyptian's queen. Their color? Mesmerizing, like staring at a full moon through the cleanest ponds, as if it was made just to gaze into it. Their lips are beautiful, chiseled by Aphrodite herself. Look at their shape! Then I get to their hair and how silky it looks, I wish to play with them, make twirls, scratch their head. Then I look at their cheeks... All I want is to have them lay on my hand, stare at them and say:
"I love you".
Through it all... I still could not shake the feeling that they might not like me the way I like them. I felt in limerence. To the point that some days I would smoke to shake off the anxiety.
Maybe I should have told them... I just want to avoid guilt tripping them. I want it to be natural and real. My obsession might have gone... Too far for them to reciprocate.
They ended up saying that we should build a place we call our own where we always meet up. A "server". I pondered about it and questioned, but they took it as me not being open to the idea. Hopefully I will prove them otherwise soon.
Soon we joked about marrying, they said "Good morning love" at one point, which of course, I had to save. We then had started our hunt for "jester" theme outfits to use in Halloween! I was able to build that place too and have them inside, somewhere for us to take shelter and call home.
They mentioned how I would get pumped at the smallest of things, though these acts meant the world to me. They would be engraved in the depths of my mind, forever to come.
As time passed, we grew closer, and through all the turmoil, we persevered. I got to see new sides of them, know more about their friends and personal interests! They were opening up more to me. Soon they even gave me a nickname, to match the one I had given theirs...
Stella.
October 21st
The day arrived! We were both wearing outfits for Halloween but finally, we were going to wear matching ones. I could not be more happy. I wanted the world to see us both wearing it! It was not fair to keep it to myself, they are so adorable.
I want to embrace every part of their being, with all my heart, nothing short of it.
They are the best thing to have happened to me in so long. I need them to know.
October 31st
I told them! I then said that they deserve every breath I take... Which they said they would cherish every single one, for as long as they're alive. I am incredibly satisfied.
They told me the very next day how they do not understand how anyone did not want to have kept me, that they're lucky... Do I even deserve this much praise? They are incredible.
November had gone like previous months, we hung out as much as we could, having amazing moments in our favorite game, watching media, discussing, flirting... But still fighting, mostly misunderstandings, each time being able to still see eye to eye some time after. Every other moment was more amazing than the one before it.
I was not ready for what was ahead of me.
December 10th
It was time to watch one of their favorite medias ever produced, with a character they deeply relate to! I had been looking forward to this for a while now.
That was... Simply amazing. From the story itself, the characters, their struggles, the symbology, the OST to the art direction. What made it more special, was that it was with them. I could not have asked for more. I was able to cry again, albeit embarassing, I think we had an amazing time.
I hope we can wear an outfit of our favorite couple! They fit us quite nicely.
December 11th
I... Felt incredibly forgotten. I stayed awake while trying not to be too much. To respect the space they needed. Then I broke... I decided to go to sleep, I did not even realize I was still inside our home. The next morning I see that they had left me a message, that they had come by... My pain... I projected it, hurting them in the process. I wanted to die.
Later that day there was an advent happening, which our now mutual friend was discussing with us about. I kept sharing things about it, invited them to it but... It was too late. Through all of that I had forgotten that they owned something which I had told them they could acquire for free now... What a dumbass.
Then as if it was not enough, they left a notice for me, that they would not be around our usual spots for some time. That once beautiful sky they showed me was gone, I rowed and rowed... Wishing to see them again. I cried, destroyed my oar and parts of my boat... All I wanted was to undo the mistakes I had done.
I decided that the best I could do was to wait. To hang onto the past we had, the promises we made and feelings we shared.
One of my favorite books... It was time to read it again.
And so... I will learn to endure this separation. To keep on living and hold onto my heart that they are doing alright, that it will be fruitful for them... That they will come back.